peace, sleep, victory and brisket | the stl trip | july 2022

there's something magical about writing in the earliest morning hours. i have always been an early riser. i've woken up with wide - ready to meet the day - eyes for as long as i can remember. you can hear my smile crack in the still dark room. the opposite is true of my beloved husband. he wakes up looking confused and assaulted. he looks offended by the new day. our son is now a combination of both of us, perfectly. he wakes up cracking to go with the brightest dark brown eyes but holding his hand over his faces because the sunlight is too much and he'd like us to turn the light down.

for me, the earliest morning is my best, my sweetest. it's my least incumbered hour. the day is baby new, i haven't had time to make a mistake yet, my family still slumbers and i get the first cup of coffee all to myself. i had a feeling last night i wouldn't be sleeping in and i couldn't wait to see what would be brewing in my heart when my eyes popped open.

i brewed the coffee first, of course.
and the ideas running around were about obedience, gratitude and story.
obedience because i wish to be this. and because my cousin and i are speaking on obedience and walking in faith for our annual wellness day this weekend. gratitude because i love meeting the Father first thing in the wee hours of a new morning. and story because i have one to tell of our recent travels and God's goodness in our lives.

our friends invited us to an overnight stay in the near-ish-by city of st louis, mo. i was stoked. i had just been mentioning to ethan that i'd love an stl visit, especially to the zoo but there were some other places, too. so how nice, this last minute trip became available to us. it's been a while since we've traveled. we used to travel every weekend for many years, just with ethan and then newborn baby jack for a year, with a ton of camera gear to shoot weddings. but we've been settled for a couple of years now in the home life, raising a boy life, and i've grown to cherish that muchly. so an opportunity to travel brought along some excitement as well as tempted anxiety. as parents you learn that sometimes it's best to spring ideas on kiddos and others it's best to prepare their hearts early. we went for the prepare your heart early this time and it maybe wasn't the best this time. also as parents you learn quickly to roll with the punches because there's lots of oppsy mistakes and mishaps. there's also grumpy moods and tired regrets. usually our boy needs the prepare the heart early approach. this time he decided he didn't want to go because he never wants to sleep in a different bed than his own. ever. not even to see a rhinoceros. we knew this to be a big deal. he cried at bedtime asking to please not go. i settled his tired heart into sleep with another prayer and a few more songs. he slept well and woke the next day with gusto. where. are. the. animals. we were thrilled and set out for the three plus hour drive to our destination. the first day was the city museum. i don't like having conversations about losing each other in busy places but it needs to be done. hearing our sweet boy repeat our names and describe what we look like and what our real names are is a painful yet heart full of pride moment. we actually had an experience with a lost kiddo at a park a few weeks ago and we were so proud of the kiddo for knowing exactly what his mom was wearing and her name and we were able to quickly get them reunited. the stl city museum is not for the faint of heart. my well-traveled, brilliant mom friend told me to bring flashlights and wear bright colors. i didn't do either but she was totally right. there were families with jerseys on, tye-dye, neon and names on the back. do this. i had one ethan burt with me so i wasn't worried but if it was a moms and kids only trip or a me and kids only trip, i wouldn'tve gone.

something that's changed my life is to truly believe in God. i know it sounds crazy because you'd think most christians believe in God but i'm here to tell you i didn't for 20+ years. it happens.
because once i truly did, everything and i mean everything changed.
ethan prayed over any anxious temptation, taking captive our thoughts and fears and exchanging them for the peace of Christ that rules our hearts and surpasses all understanding and the wisdom of God for our day. we were then geared up for our wonderful weekend.

after the time of his life with his papa and his friends we returned to our borrowed house (which i will be referring to air bnbs from now on because that's what our three year old called it. 'where are the other people? the ones who live here? you mean we'll be sleeping in a borrowed house?'). at bedtime he was threatened by anxiety. 'why would you ever bring me here? i told you one hundred times (again, we know this to be a big deal) that i never wanted to sleep in a different bed! take me home right now! i want to go home right now.' and again, he doesn't care about seeing the rhinos tomorrow. just wants home. my instant reaction is to pack up and make a miserable trip home which is absurd and another reason i'm glad ethan burt exists. he calmly gave me michael scott eyes when the boy couldn't see to not overpromise anything to this tired/scared child but to stay the course and get this child to reality and then sleep. this is where my favorite part of the trip begins. the reality. and the sleep that follows. the opportunity to calm my boy with truth and watch is entire being change and melt into the bed. cheerfully. when i was little it was all about just go. to. bed. and usually ended with an exasperated parent (or two) and/or me on the floor of my parents bedroom well into my teen years, never seeing a night without gripping fear and anxiety. with jack, i want him to have peace in his heart way before i did. i didn't until i was thirty-one years old. literally i cannot remember a peaceful night until then. i'm not exaggerating. and ethan b can tell you, too. tweleve of those years have been with him sharing a bed with me. turmoil of heart and mind reigned surpreme for far too long. jack is just like me when it comes to bed. he even inherited the weird foot-tuck thingy at bedtime. i didn't even know i could pass that along. when his bedtime anxiety began i was really worried. so i took to the psalms and prayer. and we were both ministered to and our lives changed. the first night it happened i wept outside his bedroom door, praising God for His goodness and then i slept my first night. our nightly routine at home is now filled with radiance and joy. praise!
so we repeated this during our st louis bedtime. our boy slept in his borrowed room, all night, and stayed calmly after waking until his birdies chirped and the light turned blue. we rejoiced. all three of us praised God together the next morning and rejoiced in the Lord.

because,
His Word is true. His Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Jesus means Emmanuel , God IS WITH us. we have angels assigned to us. we've been created in His perfect image and He is mindful of us and crowns us with honor and glory. He is our refuge and His joy is our strength. He goes wherever we go and His kingdom is set in our hearts. He calls us his beloved and He gives us sleep, a green pasture and still waters. He never tires of being there for His children. there is no worry or anxiety in Him. darkness is as light to him. He gives us authority and power through His Spirit to call down to earth just as it is in heaven. He is our perfect and timely comfort, in any and every need. He never leaves or forsakes us. He leads us in victory after victory after victory. amen and amen.

ethan and i got to spend our evening together, celebrating the things the Lord has done, talking with friends and eating brisket while our son slept peacefully. i mean, what a victory.